


Steps to Recovery

by crescent_gaia



Category: Captain America (2011), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-10
Updated: 2012-09-10
Packaged: 2017-11-13 22:59:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 14,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/508641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crescent_gaia/pseuds/crescent_gaia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a loss is suffered, the steps back to normal are long. And sometimes they don't lead to normal but to something even better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Virtual Insanity

**Author's Note:**

> **Author's Note:** I do not own _Avengers_ or any of the characters from the movie series. 
> 
> **Thank Yous:** A big thank you for [monkiainen](http://monkiainen.livejournal.com/) for creating [this wonderful mix](http://wordsbym.livejournal.com/7700.html)! Yes, I did steal the chapter titles from her mix. :) Also, a big thank you to my beta, [Tatra](http://sirwynai.livejournal.com), who doubles as cheerleader and flailing partner.

Steve Rogers pulled into the parking space, pulling out a piece of paper and double checking the address. He was grateful that Fury had given him the address before he decided to take off on his own. He was surprised to see that it was a hospital, but he figured that his questions would be answered when he arrived. The only reason that he went as quickly as he did was he had enough of being with other people that either made his blood boil or made him realize that one couldn't tell a book by its cover. He sighed as he turned off the bike, making sure it wouldn't fall over, before going in. "Good morning," he said to the receptionist of the building. "I'm here to see Peggy Carter."

The receptionist blinked. "I'm sorry, but Ms Carter passed away last night," she said. She was about to say something else when she turned to the person walking down the hall. 

"Sir," Steve said to Fury with a nod.

"I'll take it from here, Fiona," Fury said to the receptionist before motioning for Rogers to follow. "This is not what I was expecting to do today."

"People die all the time, sir," Steve said.

"That I do know," Fury replied. "End of one of the best eras that SHIELD had. Hopefully you and the rest can rise to their level."

"We will do the best we can," Steve said. "Sir - she didn't have any family?"

"No, she does," Fury said. "He just thinks that she died a long time ago."

"Why would anyone be kept in the dark over family members being alive?" Steve asked. 

"Because she was afraid that whoever decided to kill Howard Stark would come after her and Tony," Fury replied. "So she went into civilian life as Peggy Carter and Stark was told that both of his parents died."

"I don't think I'm ever going to understand life as it is now," Steve said quietly.

"I still think that you're going to get the hang of it in the end," Fury replied. "For now, I need you to do something only you can do."

"What's that?" Steve asked.

"I need you to tell Stark," Fury said. He held up a hand as he saw that Steve was about to protest. "He knows. He'll be a fool to not look through all the records that he got when he hacked his way in. The only thing that we kept off of those records were the persona that she went to and where she went to live. I was the only person with that information."

"Alright," Steve said quietly. "May I see her, sir?"

"Yes," Fury said as he turned and led the rest of the way down to the apartments that were assigned to Peggy. "Take all the time you need," he said as he moved over to speak to someone.

"Thank you, sir," Steve replied as he quietly went into the apartment. He looked over at what she had - the basic things that were needed that he recognized - and the new things like the computer and the iPod that he was learning were common place. He looked over the pictures, smiling as he saw Howard and Peggy on their wedding day and then a young Tony Stark along with Peggy. A part of him was happy that they went on living without him and another darker part of him sharply twisted in regret for having to sacrifice the life he wanted.

"Captain?" Maria said as she stepped into the living room.

Steve looked up at Maria and put the wedding picture back on the mantel. He was glad that Maria didn't ask why he was about to smash it into the table as he moved to follow her to the bedroom. This shock was different, considering that Peggy aged. "She's so different."

"We all age, Captain," Maria said quietly. 

"At least some of us," Steve said as he just looked at her. "I can't believe I didn't get to talk to her one more time."

"Well, she knew that you were back," Maria said. "She still got SHIELD briefings as a founding member. She also knew that your orders, just as anyone else does." She moved over and gave Steve an envelope. "For your eyes only," she sand and then she stepped out of the room.

"Thanks," Steve said as he went over to a chair to open the envelope. He was surprised when a key fell out but caught it before it went to the floor. He put the chain around his wrist, wrapping it in place before he read the letter.

_Steve,  
If you're reading this, it means that I didn't get the chance to speak to you one last time. You should know that, despite everything, I missed you with every passing day. I loved you more than anyone else but I needed to move on when it was clear that you wouldn't be coming back. I'm sorry that you found out the way that you did, but there wasn't a day that went by without us thinking of you. Just ask Tony - he can probably still tell the stories that Howard and I told him about what you did. _

_As for the key, it is to a safe deposit box. Tony has the other half and probably has been wondering what it goes to. Either that or his assistant, Pepper, who is a very lovely girl, has the other half. One of them will know where to go to unlock the box. Some last mementos are there, along with my will._

_I love you, Steve. I'm sorry that I didn't get to tell you in person. I'm sorry that we didn't get one more dance. I do want you to do one thing for me. I want you to love again. It is a sickness, pining away for someone else, and I don't want you to have it. Find someone and hold onto them as tightly as you can. Otherwise, I don't know what will happen to you._

_Love,  
Peggy_

Steve closed his eyes tightly so that he wouldn't cry onto the letter. He folded it back up and put it back in the envelope. He got up and quickly went into the hallway. "Sir - " he said as he saw Fury but stopped short at seeing Coulson. "...What..." He tried to reach for something to say that wouldn't be swearing but the words wouldn't come.

"What?" Fury asked and then looked at Coulson before turning back to Steve. "Well, you all needed something to bring the team together."

Steve blinked and turned to Coulson. "He ruined your cards," was the only words that he could think of.

"I know," Coulson said and glared at Fury.

"I already apologized," Fury said. "And you are getting new ones. It's not like I killed your dog."

"Yes sir," Coulson said as he turned and went back to helping Maria.

"I know it's a shock, but he wasn't going to stay dead," Fury said. "What's the key to?"

"Safe deposit box," Steve said. "The letter said that Stark has the other half."

"Alright," Fury said. "Coulson!" He called.

Coulson sighed and went back over to Fury. "Sir?"

"Make sure that the Captain gets over to see Stark," Fury said. "You can have the motorcycle back afterwards."

Steve sighed and handed over the keys. "Thank you, sir."

"Dismissed," Fury said.

Steve walked out of the apartment with Coulson following him. "So - how - do I even want to know?"

"About what?" Coulson asked.

"About - " Steve started to say as he heard a thump and turned towards him. He smiled as he saw Clint. "Hello."

"Hi," Clint said and looked at Coulson. "Why are you going?"

"Orders," Coulson said. "I'm surprised that - "

"Barton!" Fury's voice barked over the radio.

"Sir?" Clint replied.

"Go with Coulson and Captain Rogers to see Stark," Fury ordered.

"Yes sir," Clint said and smiled. "I'll drive."

"You will not," Coulson said. "Last time you did, you nearly drove into a tree." He moved to walk out of the building with Steve and Clint following.

"Which came out of nowhere considering the fact that it was storming," Clint countered. "I am an excellent driver. You do not give me any sort of credit for it."

"I'm driving," Coulson said. "And if you're going to interject into every move I make, you are sitting in the backseat."

Clint rolled his eyes as he got into the shotgun seat and Steve got into the back. "You alright?" He asked of Steve.

"No," Steve replied honestly as Coulson started the car and the drive to see Tony Stark. He just stared out the window, the words in the letter that Peggy left him going over again in his mind. He still couldn't believe that Tony Stark had any shred of Peggy in him, but he knew that he was going to have to try and find it.


	2. My Sun

Steve woke up as he felt the car come to a complete stop. He looked around at where they were and then up at the Stark tower. "He's allowed to be up there?" He asked as he remembered all the destruction that happened. He wasn't sure if he wanted to go up there. It wasn't the height that worried him, it was the fact that he thought that the tower could come crashing down at any moment. "Even though he looks like he worked on it since I saw the place last."

"He's working on it faster than everyone thinks," Coulson replied. "And yes, he is, as long as he has an agent or two with him. You've been gone nearly a month, Captain. He started working on a rebuild the very next day."

"It helped that Natasha apologized to him about the lying," Clint said as he moved to get out of the car.

Steve moved to follow Clint, looking up at the tower before going inside. "What did she do that she had to apologize for?"

"Lying," Clint said. "And undermining Stark with some business things with Ms Potts."

"Oh," Steve said. "I didn't know that Tony had something against lying."

"It's one of the few things that he hates with a passion," Coulson said. 

"Explains the reaction," Steve said as he thought back to finding out that Fury was lying to them about what the cube was being used for. He went with Clint and Coulson into the elevator, amazed that it was working. "And this is safe?"

"Captain, of all of us, you should be the least worried about this," Clint said with a smile as he pressed the number for the penthouse. It was a smooth ride up and the doors opened to a rubble filled room. 

"What about putting that there?" Bruce asked, turning to look who came out of the elevator. 

"I still say that we don't need it," Tony said. "You've got a good handle on him and I really don't want it." He turned as well before looking back at the blue prints. "Besides, there are going to be other places where they're going to want to contain you. If we're going to make such a room, let's make it fun instead of making it just a steel room."

"What are you talking about?" Coulson asked as he walked over. 

Steve looked around, noting that Clint had turned and walked over to Natasha. He followed Coulson, looking down to the blue prints that had notes all over it. "Looks complicated."

"It's not," Bruce said with a smile. "We're talking about a containment room."

"See, even calling it that sucks," Tony said. "If anything, let's call it your secondary room. Or the Big Green room. Or something that doesn't make people sit down all depressed."

"You could put in heavy duty punching bags or training dolls," Steve pointed out. "Or even heavy weights. Since you have that the walls are going to be reinforced, why not use that to an advantage?"

Bruce thought on that. "He's got a point, Tony."

"Alright," Tony said. "We'll do that. And anything else the green guy wants. Now the question is what do you two want?"

"We can't just visit?" Coulson asked.

"Fury isn't allowing you out unless there is a very good reason," Tony said. "So, what is it?"

"Tony, maybe we should go talk alone," Steve said.

"If I'm getting kicked off the team for what I did, you can say so in front of Bruce," Tony said. "Or if I'm getting bumped back down to just being a consultant."

"Why would you go to that first?" Steve asked.

"The fight with Thor over Loki, the arguing and not taking direct orders seriously, the hacking, the fact that he decided to nearly die instead of getting out of the black hole - " Coulson started to list.

"In my defense, that last thing was due to the suit malfunctioning, not me. We're working on that," Tony said.

"There are reasons he'd think to go to that instead of thinking that we're here for something else," Coulson said.

Steve nodded a yes before taking out a key and putting it in the middle of the blueprints. "Well, we're not here for that."

Tony looked at the key, picking it up to look at it before putting it back down. "Where did you get it?"

"Tony - she died," Steve said.

"For good this time or did she decide to take another pseudo?" Tony asked.

Steve looked confused and looked to Coulson before looking back to Tony. "No, she did die this time."

"Good to have confirmation," Tony said as he turned away from the table and picked up a phone. "Hey Pepper? Where's the key to that safe deposit box?" He listened for a moment. "Thanks." He hung up the phone before leaving the room and slamming a door behind him.

"There was probably a better way to do that," Steve said.

"No, not really," Bruce said. "He'll get over it. I think he has a shorter trigger than even I do."

"He does," Coulson said. "Bruce is right, Captain. There was no better way to do that."

"You're not surprised that he already knows that she was alive?" Steve asked.

"He got the information out of his hack," Coulson said. "So the Director talked to him about it. Stark had the green light to go visit if he wanted to. He never did. I'm not sure if it was just not knowing what to say or why he didn't go. That's something that you're going to have to ask him."

"Right," Steve said as Tony came back out of the office. "Well?"

"I found the other key," Tony said as he picked up the second key. "Now let's go to the bank."

"Now?" Steve asked.

"No time like the present," Tony said. "Coulson?"

"As long as I get to drive," Coulson said.

"Kill joy," Tony said but nodded a yes. "Hey, Natasha!"

"You don't have to shout," Natasha said as she came over. "We'll stay here with Bruce."

"Excellent," Tony said and turned to Bruce. "Do you mind getting started on ordering everything we're going to need? Get extra - I'll use it with other projects if we don't use it all for this one."

"Sounds good to me," Bruce said.

"Oh, and you need to pick a room and design it," Tony said to Steve.

"What?" Steve asked.

"Oh, right, you've been away," Tony said. "I decided that this would be a good non-up in the air base and let everyone pick a room. Even thunder and lightning is getting one."

"You could call people by their names, Tony," Natasha said.

"There's no fun in that," Tony said. "So, any of the empty rooms and we'll get you whatever you want in them. And anything you'd want for in the training center. I'm thinking of making that the basement area though."

"Considering you're putting in a pool there, it might be a good idea," Clint said.

"Just make sure there's a boxing ring down there and I'll be happy," Steve said.

"It will," Tony said. "We'll get in a round as long as you go easy on me, old guy." He grabbed the other key and turned to walk to the elevator.

"Some things never change," Steve said with a sigh as he followed Tony.

*~*~*~*

It had been a quick ride to the bank where the safe deposit box was being kept. Tony showed his identification and the three of them were shown into a very nice back room. They waited in quiet until the bank employee came in with the box, made sure that it opened, and left the room. "Alright - let's see what's in here," Tony said.

"You don't know?" Steve asked.

"Nope," Tony said. "It wasn't stated in the will and I could never find the other key. It all makes sense now, but at the time, it was frustrating considering that I thought I lost both of my parents. I didn't understand that the bank was working under SHIELD directions."

"Well, you can look now," Coulson said. 

"Thanks," Tony said as he did open it and pulled out an envelope. He opened and looked through quickly before passing it onto Steve.

Steve took it and opened the envelope. He sat down as he pulled out the pictures of his past. One at the bar with everyone of the unit. Another few of just himself and Bucky. There were a few of just Peggy before a few of Peggy and Howard together. He smiled as he remembered being behind the camera when he took them. "Tony - "

"They're yours," Tony said. "They mean more to you than me."

"Thank you," Steve said quietly.

Tony smiled a bit before going back to looking at what else was in there. "Here's mom's will," he said as he looked it over. "Nothing much - she wants to be cremated and her ashes spread - well, that'll be easy."

"Where?" Coulson asked.

"River Thames," Tony said. "So just a jump over the pond."

"She didn't want to be buried with Howard?" Steve asked as his voice broke. He took a deep breath and asked his question again.

"No," Tony said. "But it is very her."

"True," Steve said with a bit of a smile. "When you do so - "

"I'm dragging you with me," Tony said. "I mean, if you want to."

"I do," Steve said. "and possibly visit Howard's grave."

"That's easy enough," Tony said. "I'll give you directions."

"You don't go out there?" Steve said.

"Cemeteries aren't really my thing," Tony said as he put the will aside and looked through things. "Just different things that were easier to keep here instead of at the house." He took out what he needed and put the rest back. He closed the box before sitting down.

"Coulson?" Steve asked.

"I'll be right outside," Coulson said as he left the room.

Steve waited until Coulson left. "I know this must be hard for you."

"Not really," Tony said. "We're all going to die one day. Well, maybe not you - I've seen the reports that dad wrote up - but we've all got a time when we're just going to be gone. So, it doesn't really affect me."

"Bullshit," Steve said.

Tony raised an eyebrow. "That sounds strange coming from you."

"It's the truth," Steve said. "You are full of shit, Tony Stark, if you're going to sit there and tell me that this doesn't hit you some way. That your heart is officially dead and you really are just a hunk of metal."

"So what if I am?!" Tony asked before looking away. "She didn't have to do what she did."

"From what I know, she did it to protect you," Steve said. "I don't know the whole story. There are people who do. I suggest you do what you always do - just push until you get the truth." He paused for a moment before saying "I'll even help you."

"You will?" Tony asked.

"Yes," Steve said. "Because a car crash sounds too simple a death for Howard Stark."

"Sometimes simple is just the way death finds you," Tony said as there was a knock at the door. "Yeah?"

"We need to go," Coulson said. "Now."

"Why?" Steve asked as he got up. Tony got up as well, putting the things into the bag that the bank provided. 

"Just bring the box with you,' Coulson said.

Steve picked up the box easily and both men moved with Coulson. "Coulson - what is - "

"Down!" Tony said as he ducked as gun fire went over their heads.

Steve pulled Coulson down before looking to see where the gun fire was coming from. He was surprised as he was pulled down by Tony. "They're Hydra," he said.

"Well, as long as it's not another evil God," Tony said. "Coulson?"

"Stay here for a moment," Coulson said as he pulled out a gun.

"You have a vest on today, hopefully?" Tony asked.

Coulson turned and stood up, firing where the Hydra people were. He took down two before sitting down again. "Hawkeye, Widow, where are you two?"

It was after the question was asked that the gun fire stopped completely. Tony looked up and saw one of the bad guys with an arrow through his back. "They're here."

"We are," Clint said. "You three can't go anywhere without havoc finding you, can you?"

"Havoc likes to flirt," Tony said as he stood up.

"Everyone in the lobby is dead," Natasha said as she came over to them. "We need to go."

"I second that," Steve said.

"Back door," Coulson said as they headed to it. 

Clint was the first out the back door, arrow at the ready as he turned around. "Clear," he called as there was a car waiting for them. He kept the arrow at the ready until everyone got in the car. He then closed up the bow, sliding into the shotgun seat and letting Natasha drive.

"Why were Hydra agents in the bank?" Tony asked.

Coulson didn't answer, pulling out a cell phone and dialing a number. "Maria, we have a leak," he said and paused for a moment. "Tell the Director," he said as he gave the address for the bank they were at. "Make up a story or something. Thanks."

"Why were Hydra agents in the bank?" Tony asked again.

"Actually, why is Hydra even active?" Steve asked. "Didn't they die out?"

"No," Coulson said. "It's a long story."

"I vote that long story needs pizza, beer, and going to the tower," Tony said.

"We'll have someone pick up the pizza," Natasha said as she turned the car to drive back to the tower in record time. She let them out. "I'm going to go get Pepper."

"Thank you," Tony said as he got out of the car with everyone else before watching Natasha speed off. "This isn't going to go well at all, is it?"

"Probably not," Steve said. "We should get inside though"

"Yeah," Tony said as he went inside with the rest. He was quiet all the way up and went into his little office area as the others brought Bruce up to speed. He poured himself a drink before raising it to the small picture of his mother and father before downing it. He sat down in the chair, ignoring the knock on the door but didn't mind when Steve came in. "Pizza here?"

"Yes," Steve said. "Along with Natasha, Pepper, and a big file in a briefcase."

"Oh good," Tony said as he got up but poured himself another Scotch.

"How many is that?" Steve asked.

"The second one," Tony said. "But thanks for caring about my liver."

"More that it's probably a good idea to be sober at the moment," Steve said.

"Fine," Tony said but downed it all the same. "Why do you care?"

Steve blinked. "What do you mean?"

"Why do you care about anything that's happening with me?" Tony asked.

"Because - you're the son of my two best friends," Steve said as he reached for the easier answer.

Tony gave Steve a look. "You keep telling yourself that, Cap," he said as he turned and left the room.

Steve sighed and followed Tony out. He thought about what Peggy said in the letter and how he thought about Tony. At first, he thought that Tony was brash and a jerk. Well, more of an asshole at times. But there was no denying that he saw something in Tony. He still couldn't be sure what it was, but he was hoping to figure it out sooner or later. He nodded to Natasha before sitting down next to her. "Dragged him out."

"Thank you," Natasha said quietly. "Are you and him alright?"

"What do you mean?" Steve asked, going with her quieter tone.

"She wants to know if you two are in a relationship," Clint said as he sat down.

Steve was even more confused than before. "Why would you think that?'

"Because the two of you bicker a lot like a married couple sometimes," Clint says. "Ow!" He said as the comment got a hit from Natasha. "What?"

"Being subtle would be nice," Natasha says.

"Yes, but he said he wanted to know," Clint says. "And jeez, Tasha, you're going to leave a bruise."

Natasha smiled. "Serves you right."

Steve smiled at the two of them before looking to see where Tony was. He could see that there was a small argument with Coulson before Tony just took the briefcase and none of the food. He sighed and went over to where the food was. "What types are there?" He asked, expected just cheese, sausage, and pepperoni.

"Veggie lovers, cheese lovers, and meat lovers," Pepper replied. "Sorry - meaning that the first has just a lot of vegetables on it, the second a lot of cheese - more than is probably legally allowed, and the third is just a bunch of meat."

"Which is his favorite?" Steve asked.

"Meat lovers. Which is why there are a few more of those," Pepper said.

"Could I have one?" Steve asked. "An entire pizza, I mean. He should eat."

Pepper smiled in relief and gave him one of the boxes with two paper plates on top. "Thank you."

"You have to make sure he eats a lot?" Steve asked.

"Yeah," Pepper replied. "Usually when he's in one of his moods like now. Or if he's working on a project. I like him more when he's working on a project."

"I'll make sure he eats," Steve promised as he took the box and turned to follow Tony back into the office room. He didn't knock this time, just coming into the room and putting the pizza box down on the desk.

"Not hungry, but thanks," Tony said.

"Don't really care," Steve said as he took the plates off the top and served up two slices of pizza. He put one of them in front of Tony before he sat down to eat. "So, what did you get?"

"Mom's file, dad's file, and…your file, actually," Tony said as he pulled out Steve's. "You want to look over yours?"

"Sure," Steve said as he took his file. There was silence, save for a bit of eating, as they looked over the files and then compared notes. "So, it seems like they're after the cube, which means that they don't know it got sent back to where it belongs."

"Right," Tony said. "And they're still looking for the breakthrough to make super soldiers."

"Not surprising," Steve said. "Alright - so neither of us go out alone, which they're not going to let us do anyways, and we'll figure out how to stop them."

"If we're allowed to do that," Tony said and there was a knock at the door. "yeah?!" He called.

Coulson opened the door and came in. "You two having fun?"

"Depends on your definition of fun," Tony said. "You've got something."

"Turns out that Hydra isn't going to be a problem," Coulson said. "It was just a small outlying group and they've been destroyed."

"Who do we have to thank for that?" Tony asked.

"Guess," Coulson said.

"We're on the hook for buying drinks for Widow and Legolas," Tony said to Steve.

"Thank them for us?" Steve asked.

"Sure," Coulson said. "How are you doing, Tony?"

"Fine," Tony said. "Thanks for telling us."

"You're welcome," Coulson said and left the room.

"That's really too convenient," Tony said.

"How?" Steve asked.

"Because they're just destroyed like that? They don't seem like an operation to just fold up," Tony said.

"They're cowards, Tony. They're going to fold up when there's nobody big behind them to back it up. Red Skull is very much dead and nobody stepped up to be him. So I wouldn't read anything into it."

"Alright," Tony said as he opened the box and got another piece of pizza. "Thanks for coming in here."

"You're welcome," Steve said and let silence hang for a moment. "Anything you want to talk about?"

"No," Tony said. "Mind if we just sit in silence?"

"You can do that?" Steve asked.

"When I want to," Tony said as he fell silent and just ate. Steve followed in being silent as well. The sad thing is that it lasted all of five minutes before Tony started talking about something Steve had no clue about it. He had fun learning about iPhones and what they could do and why they were something that were more of a need than an accessory. At the end of the night, he went to go pick out a room that, for the moment, just had a bed, a nightstand, a dresser, and a bookcase. "You sure you want this one?" Tony asked from behind Steve.

"Why wouldn't I?" Steve asked.

"Just curious," Tony said. "I’m across the hall if you need me."

"Oh," Steve said. "Well…good night," he said and watched Tony shrug and go across the hall to his room. Steve closed the door behind him and went to relax on the bed. He closed his eyes, his mind rethinking everything that had gone on that day, and if he was only imagining what he was feeling.


	3. Mad World

_All around me are familiar faces,  
Worn out places, worn out races  
Bright and early for the daily races  
Going nowhere, going nowhere…_

Tony just listened to the music blaring in the car. He was sitting outside of where the funeral was going to take place. He thought that it would be the one thing that he could do for his mom - the only person who really thought to take care of him when he was a kid. He downed a long drink of the coffee that he made sure also had Irish Whiskey in it and watched as his teammates made their way in. There were older people here and there, but a part of him was happy that they were there. Sure, they were probably there more for Steve than for him, but it was the thought that warmed him rather than the coffee.

_And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad  
The dreams in which I'm dying at the best I'll ever have  
I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take   
When people run in circles it’s a very, very  
Mad world…mad world_

He sighed and closed his eyes for a moment before just turning off the car. He really didn't need to hear more about the song that kind of defined his life in a way. He was better when he was dying or dead than he could ever be alive. He nearly jumped when he heard the rap on the window but opened his eyes and saw Steve. He rolled down the window and shrugged. "Just didn't want to go in yet."

"I know that feeling," Steve said. "Did you see everyone go in?"

"Yeah," Tony said. "So it's just the two of us out here?"

"Pretty much," Steve said.

Tony sighed and took another long sip of coffee. He got out of the car and smoothed down his suit. "Probably should go in then," he said and looked at Steve. "I probably should have asked this before, but do you mind speaking?"

"If I can think of something to say," Steve said. "If not…do you mind if I don't?"

"No," Tony said. "I just thought it would be nice to offer," he said as he locked his car and looked forlornly at his coffee. He knew better than to give anyone the impression that he was drinking on the day of his mother's funeral before they went to the reception thing. 

"You could probably bring that in with you," Steve offered.

"Nah," Tony said as he moved to go into the church. "I just hope that I'm doing what she really wanted. At least with the service. The after service is already taken care of. Speaking of that - would you like to be there?"

Steve blinked and looked at Tony. "Really?"

"Yeah," Tony said. "I'd rather not be there alone and…well, you knew mom and it just feels right."

"Thanks Tony," Steve said as he stopped when Tony did. "What now?"

"Tell me that I’m insane for thinking that lightening is going to strike me for daring to step into a church due to my beliefs," Tony said.

"Atheist?" Steve asked.

"Yeah," Tony said.

"He's not going to strike you down," Steve said as he took Tony's arm and led him into the church.

"Thanks for that," Tony said as he went into the church. He nearly sat down in the back of the church before Steve gently moved him up to the front pew, greeting others as he went and introducing himself as he should have. He sighed as he sat down and gently grabbed Steve to make him sit down as well. "You're not making me sit up here alone."

Steve blinked and then smiled before sitting down. "Sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for," Tony said. "I just don't want to be alone."

"That's understandable," Steve said as he moved a small bit in his seat. He stood when the others did as the casket was wheeled in with the priest leading in the front. He wasn't surprised to see the flag of England draped across her casket, as she deserved the honor, but he thought it was odd considering that she had worked so much for their side. He sat when the others sat, letting his mind wander to all the different memories that they had together. His favorite was one where she was mad at him - shooting at him as he tried out his signature shield. He felt that it was odd that he went back to that memory instead of the others that were stronger. The first and last kiss that they had. Her coming to find him after Bucky's death and a lot of other memories. He had wished that fate had been kinder to the both of them - that he didn't have to go down in that plane and that she didn't have to die before he could see her again. What Steve didn't realize, in going through all of his memories, is that Tony took his hand. When he did realize it, it was a comforting presence. It was an anchor that kept him tied to the service with Tony letting go when he got up to talk.

"Good morning," Tony said and waited a moment while everyone said it back to him. "I know that mom would want me to thank you for coming. I know that I'm grateful for everyone that decided to show support for her." He paused and looked at his mom's casket. "I really don’t have anything else to say. I thought that I had said it all before at the double funeral for my dad and her but it turned out that she decided to make sure that I was safe instead of anything else."

Steve was up and to Tony's side before Fury could even think of getting up. "This isn't the time or place for that," he whispered to Tony.

"Yeah," Tony whispered back. "Still felt good to say it."

 _Typical Tony_ Steve thought for a moment. "Let me take over?" He whispered.

"Yeah," Tony said and let Natasha lead him back to where he was sitting before.

Steve took the place at the microphone. "Our apologies," he said to the crowd. "I remember Peggy as the woman who stole my heart for a while. She was the kindest and nicest person I ever met and had an amazing right hook." He smiled as he heard people chuckling. "She cared for nearly everyone that she met and would be forgiving Tony for what he just said. If not for the shock that he is having but because that was what she did. We'll all miss her, but we'll see her again when it is time to do so." He moved from the microphone, a small bit of clapping as he did as he went back to his seat. "I got him," he said to Natasha.

Natasha smiled and just slid down a bit in the pew to give Steve back his place. "Good."

Tony took Steve's hand again as Steve sat down. "Thank you," he whispered as the priest stepped back up to start the end of the service.

"You're welcome," Steve said as he kept hold of Tony's hand. They all stood as the casket disappeared down into the basement of the church instead of being carried out of the church for a burial. 

"Thank you for coming," Tony said to the people who came up to them and made sure they knew about where to go for the lunch. It wasn't until the normal people were out of the church before Fury came up to him. "Sorry," he said to Fury.

"This is the one and only time that I'm going to forgive you," Fury said. "I won't be at the lunch, but others will be. Make sure you behave."

"I'll make sure of that, sir," Steve volunteered.

"I don't make it easy for people to babysit me," Tony said.

"We'll be fine," Steve said and gave his keys to the motorcycle to Natasha. "Can you make sure it gets home?"

"Yes," Natasha said. "We'll make sure of that."

"Thanks," Steve said. "We'll see you at the luncheon."

Tony nodded a yes and took the hug from Natasha, as well as Bruce, with a hand shake from Clint and Coulson. He sighed and looked down. "I guess we should get downstairs."

"We should," Steve said as he took Tony's hand again to lead him down there. "And you need to give me your keys."

"…what?" Tony asked.

"I smelled it on your breath," Steve said. "So, keys."

Tony nodded a yes and just handed over the keys. "No judgment calls?"

"Not today," Steve said as he pocketed the keys. "If I thought that it would help me, I'd probably have a drink or two myself."

"Why don't you have one at the lunch then?" Tony asked. "Wait, I know the answer to that question."

Steve chuckled. "Why am I not surprised?"

"Because I know everything," Tony said as they made their way down the stairs. "Thank you. For doing all of this. I know I could alone, but I think I would be even more of a wreck than I am at the moment."

"You're welcome," Steve said. "I don't think I would do this for anyone though. I just know that I would for you."

"That's good enough for me," Tony said with a smile. 

"I do have a question though," Steve said.

"What?" Tony asked.

"Why was it an English flag and not the American one?" Steve asked.

"You mean the Union Jack?" Tony asked with a grin. "That was Fury's doing. He said that, even though she worked a lot for us, she was England's first and therefore should have England's colors. Not the exact words, but what I mostly remember as the reasoning."

"Makes sense then," Steve said with a bit of a smile. 

"Yeah," Tony said before he pulled Steve into a dark corner as they got to the bottom of the stairs. He quickly kissed Steve on the lips, praying to everything he didn't believe in that he wouldn't get pushed away. He was happy when Steve didn't push him away and started to kiss him back. He kept the kiss until they had to breathe and looked up at him. "Unexpected, I know, but I just - "

"You wanted to," Steve said quietly. "Let's talk more about this after we're done?"

"Yeah," Tony said as he moved to go with Steve. He nodded to the priest and looked at his mom's casket. He moved and kissed the casket one last time. "Bye mom," he whispered. "I'll miss you - probably more this time because you're really dead."

"Tony," Steve said with a sigh.

"What? It's true," Tony said as he stepped back. "Do you want to do anything?"

"No," Steve said as he took Tony's hand. 

"Go ahead," Tony said with a nod to the priest. They watched the casket slowly go into the oven before the door was closed. He gripped Steve's hand tighter as he heard the lock on the oven before the fire started. It only took a few minutes and then he was given a nice English looking urn. "Thank you," he said and gave the priest a check. The check was for a lot more than the price he was quoted, but he didn't care. He shrugged as the priest started to protest. "It's what she would have wanted me to do." He turned to leave the room with Steve and had to blink a few times when they got out in the sunlight. "Now I need to charter a plane."

"That can be done tomorrow," Steve pointed out. "For now, you have a lunch to go to."

"Yeah," Tony said. "A lunch with a full bar. I'm really looking forward to hiding there."

"Tony, don't make me limit you to drinks," Steve said with a sigh. He didn't want to do so, but he would if he needed to.

"What, you're going to take away all my fun?" Tony asked. "Well, not fun, but it'll help to have a drink or two. Plus, I thought it would be nice for the people who were coming." He paused and felt his pocket before remembering that Steve had the keys. "Could you open the trunk?" he asked and went over to it as Steve did so. He pulled a very nice box forward and gently put his mom's urn into it. "She'll be safe there," he said quietly before getting into the passenger's seat. He fiddled with the radio, putting on a soft jazz station before closing his eyes and falling asleep.


	4. Hello

Steve tried to keep his mind focused on the luncheon, but it wasn't that easy. He was still going over the kiss that he had shared with Tony and why he allowed himself to just kiss Tony back. Sure, he had feelings for both genders over the years - there was the time he has with Bucky, both before and after the transformation, and then there was Peggy - but this was the first time that he was questioning if it was the right thing. _Probably wouldn't be doing this if it wasn't done in a church…_ he thought before trying to squish down the thought that he did something wrong down as deep as the thought would go. Mostly due to the fact that he knew he did nothing wrong, at least not yet. He looked around the room for Tony, and with not seeing him, went over to the table where they were sitting with the others. "Have you seen Tony?" He asked.

Coulson raised an eyebrow at Steve using Stark's first name but didn't comment on it. "Not recently. I thought he was making the rounds to thank people for coming."

"He's over at the bar," Clint said as he came back with three drinks and sat down next to Coulson. "He made the rounds nicely enough but then made a near bee line to it. The move was kind of amusing."

"Not surprised," Natasha said as she took her drink. "Do you want me to go get him? I wouldn't mind dragging him back over."

"No, I'll get him," Steve said. "Thanks Clint," he said and went over to where the bar area was. He sat down next to Tony and ordered a scotch and soda. "Thanks," he said to the bartender who quickly put the drink down in front of him before moving away.

"Somehow I figured you for more of a whiskey drinker," Tony said as he looked at Steve out of the corner of his eye. "I just needed to get out of the room," he said by way of excuse more than anything else. He also didn't want a lecture about drinking on the day of his mother's funeral but he somehow doubt that was really going to happen.

"We can go with that," Steve said. "How many is that?"

"With or without the coffee that you sniffed out before?" Tony asked.

"Without," Steve said. 

"First one," Tony said. "I've been nursing it off and on." He paused. "Did you know that everyone of her newer friends knew about me? And none of them thought bad of me for not visiting. Not that it helps all that much."

"I don't think anything is really going to help," Steve said. "Including your usual plan of dealing with things."

"The drinking or the flying through the air and going to destroy some things plan?" Tony asked. "Mostly because the second one is a lot more fun and we could get you there as well."

"I really doubt you're allowed to go solve problems on your own," Steve said. "At least, for the time being."

"True," Tony said. "So, no plan B. Have to go with plan A and just make sure that I stock up when I come out of it."

"Why not have a plan C?" Steve asked. "There's not a lot of people left. What about, after this, we go…bowling." He had reached for it, but he really couldn't think of anything better to offer.

Tony raised an eyebrow before just bursting out laughing. "I suck at bowling," he said. "Well, not Wii bowling, but that's an entire different thing."

"What's a Wii?" Steve asked.

"We have our plan C!" Tony said. "I'll introduce you to video games."

"Somehow I feel this is going to be a bad plan C," Steve joked.

"Nah," Tony said and looked back into the room. "Let's see…we'll start with bowling. Make it three on three game with dragging Coulson back with us."

"I think Agent Coulson has other things to do with his time," Steve said.

"Nah," Tony said. "Well, won't know until we ask," he said as he downed the rest of his drink before getting up from the bar. He gave the bartender a hundred. "For his drink as well and keep the rest," he said as he walked away from the bar over to the table with the rest of the group. 

Steve smiled at the bartender before taking his drink and following Tony over to the table. He smiled as Natasha's looked mirrored his own - uncertainty about exactly what Tony really wanted to do. "I doubt anyone is going to be forced to come and join us."

"It sounds like a good way to spend the afternoon," Bruce said. "We don't really have anything else that we're doing at the moment. And people know how to contact us."

"Let me just check that I'm not needed elsewhere and I'll join you," Coulson said as he got up from the table.

"I did not expect that," Tony said before flashing a smile at Natasha. "You're going to have fun."

"The last time you invoked the word fun, there was a big explosion," Natasha said.

"Was that in the lab or outside of it?" Tony asked.

"Both," Natasha said before cracking a smile.

"Well, this doesn't involve things blowing up. It involves bowling and maybe a first person shooter game," Tony said. "But I figure that can be after everyone gets into a groove."

Coulson came back over to the table. "So, when are we going?"

"As soon as I say goodbye to people and then everyone can follow us back," Tony said as he got up to say goodbye to some of the people that were just leaving. He hid the grin on his face, schooling himself to be the proper grieving son. On the inside, he was grinning ear to ear. It was a chance to have a bit of fun, probably pizza, - scratch that, definitely there would be pizza - and just relaxing as he would with other friends.

*~*~*~*

Three hours, six boxes of pizza, and a lot of soda and beer later, only Steve was left at Tony's place. Bruce had been the first to leave, having been called in for some science thing that he promised he would call Tony in for if he needed help. Coulson had left with Bruce to drive him there and a bit later, Natasha and Clint left as well. That left Steve alone with Tony and they were on the last race of this Mario Kart thing. "This looks insane," he said as he looked over the Rainbow Road track.

"You're doing fine," Tony said as he pressed a button so the race would start. He peaked over at how Steve was doing and nearly fell off the track. He pushed the B button, letting out an oil spill just as Steve was right behind him.

"Hey!" Steve said.

"All's fair in Mario Kart," Tony said with a chuckle as he maintained his lead until the last lap, when his kart slid on a banana peel and watched as Steve's car sped ahead of his. He laughed and quickly made up for the slip but let Steve win in the end. "Guess that banana peel just got the better for me."

"Guess so," Steve said before stretching. "What time is it?"

Tony looked at the clock. "Possibly late for you, early for me." He was quiet for a moment before saying "thanks for staying around for a bit."

"Thanks for teaching me how to play that thing," Steve said with a bit of a smile. "How are you doing?"

"I'm doing as well as can be," Tony replied. He shrugged and went looking for another course to play before just turning off the television. "I'm really not sure how I should be feeling. Yeah, mom died, but that's happened before. I guess I'm wondering how you're dealing with this."

"It's one more person that isn't around," Steve said. "It hurts but it is also to be expected."

Tony nodded a yes. "Do you - this is going to sound really weird but… Do you want some of her ashes?"

"What?" Steve asked.

"Mom used to tell me stories," Tony said. "So I kind of know that the two of you were close until you had to go down with that ship. I just thought it might help."

"No, but thank you," Steve said. "Why do I have a feeling that before New York you wouldn't have even asked that?"

"Nearly dying has that effect on you," Tony said.

"Right," Steve said before looking at the clock. "I should probably go."

"You don’t have to," Tony said. "There's a few spare bedrooms around, remember?"

"Yeah, but I thought it was a one time deal," Steve said.

"I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't sure. I can show you one of them and then we can play some more. Or try a different game. There's House of the Dead or we can switch to the Playstation," Tony said.

"Playstation?" Steve asked as he got up to follow Tony.

"It's just a different game platform and a different set of games. There's also the XBox and the Kinect which we can look at if we can't agree on a Playstation or Wii game," Tony explained. He walked up the stairs with Steve and down a hallway before stopping in front of a door and opening it. "Guest bedroom number 1. And my room is right across the hall."

"Alright," Steve said. He stepped into the room, looked around at the very nice guest room before stepping outside again. "It's not quite right."

"Why?" Tony asked as he arched an eyebrow.

Steve grinned before kissing Tony deeply and pulling Tony into the guest room. "Better now," he said when they needed to take a breath to breathe.

"Bed's bigger in my room," Tony said before starting to take off Steve's shirt.

"Who says we really need a bed?" Steve asked but pulled Tony towards the bed anyways. It was what both of them needed in the end as Steve fell asleep with Tony curled up against him.


	5. Somewhere Only We Know

Tony woke up the next morning and the side next to him was empty. He sat up slowly, his head hurting a little but no more than usual after that kind of night, and felt the other side of the bed. He smiled as it was still warm and threw on some clothes that were different than the night before. He made his way down into the rest of the house where the smells of bacon was coming from. "You didn't have to cook breakfast," he said as he went over and looked over Steve's shoulder. "Eggs look really good though."

"I woke up first and was hungry," Steve said. "I was going to have Jarvis wake you up if you didn't wake up soon."

"Hrm," Tony said. "What else needs to be done?"

"Set the table and get drinks," Steve said. "Coffee's already made."

"Thank you," Tony said as he set the table and got some coffee for himself and Steve. "Want anything else?"

"Not really," Steve said. It only took a few more minutes before he plated up the food. "So."

"What?" Tony asked as he sat down at his place to eat.

"About last night," Steve said. "I just - it was sort of spur of the moment."

"Well, first, that's the best kind of sex," Tony said. "So are you worried that it is only going to happen one time or are you worried that it won't be as good as the next time?"

Steve blinked. He did wonder if Tony possibly implanted something during the night in his mind to know what he was thinking. He was quiet, munching on a piece of bacon as he went over the two questions in his mind. Yes, he was a bit worried that it was a one night thing. He had too much fun to have it just be one night. As for being as good as next time…he worried about that less. "More the first and less of the second."

"Well, as long as you're willing, I don't see it being a one time thing," Tony said with a grin. "Especially if the morning after breakfast is as good as this."

"Now I'm being used as a cook?" Steve asked.

Tony laughed. "No, not really. I just like the fact that you made breakfast. It's - well, it's sweet and very unexpected. Usually I'm gone before the person wakes up."

"So not your first time for spur of the moment stuff?" Steve asked.

"Nope," Tony said. "Again, I find it better that way. But usually Pepper comes in and cleans up afterwards. But only when I do want it to just be one night instead of - well, whatever we want to call this."

"Normal people call it a relationship," Steve countered.

"I'm not normal," Tony said. "Never have been and never going to be. It's too boring." He paused. "And for you, well, normal was completely different."

"Only with being shorter and less than what I am today," Steve said. "Some days I can barely remember what it was like. Other days I can't seem to get rid of those memories."

"So you have good days and bad days, by your definition?" Tony asked.

"I wouldn't define it as that," Steve said. "I call them ghost days and non ghost days."

"Well, that's one way to explain it," Tony said as he nommed on the food. He thought about what else to say but decided that silence was the best. He looked up from his plate as there was a beep from Jarvis. "Yes Jarvis?"

"Ms Potts is arriving, sir," Jarvis said. 

"Thank you," Tony said as he got up and went to go to the door. "Oh, and don't even think of touching the mess in the kitchen. You cooked, I clean," he said over his shoulder to Steve before going to answer the door. "I thought I had the day off," he said as he let her in.

"You have a board meeting in a few hours," Pepper said. 

"You're my CEO and not my assistant anymore," Tony said.

"You haven't hired an assistant yet," Pepper said.

"I'm about to. He's in the kitchen. I really just got to ask," Tony said.

"Have you slept with - wait, him?" Pepper said.

"Hi Pepper!" Steve called from the kitchen.

"Well, that's a bit different," Coulson said as he came into the house as well.

"His being more awake than me or the fact that he's here?" Tony asked. "And why are you here?"

"Spot check," Coulson said. "I left my jacket."

"Did we have more wild of a time than I remember?" Tony asked.

"And if you did, why wasn't I invited?" Pepper asked.

"It was video games and pizza," Tony said. "More of a way to unwind. Plus, you were in Denver last night."

"True, I was," Pepper said with a grin. "You still have a meeting in a few hours."

"You're CEO. Not me," Tony said before turning and going into the kitchen. 

Pepper muttered something under her breath before following Tony and Coulson followed her. "The board wants to see that you're alive and that you're doing well. I tried to reschedule the thing, citing a death in the family, but they're not moving. So, yes, you do have to show up. So you can either go and get into a suit so we can make the drive or I can twist your ear and make you do it."

Tony blinked. "I had a full day planned. I was going to show Steve the lab."

"It can wait," Steve said and kissed Tony's cheek. "Go get dressed. The lab is going to still be here when you get back from your meeting."

"The two of you double teaming me should be illegal," Tony said before leaving the kitchen. "Jarvis! Start kitchen cleaning, please."

"What is - " Steve asked before Pepper moved him out of the way of the sink and stove. "Oh. That's cool."

"No, it's Tony being lazy," Pepper said. "I'm sorry to break up the day."

"The lab will be there when we get back. I hope," Steve said.

"He doesn't fully get it," Coulson said to Pepper.

"He only shows the lab to people he really cares about," Pepper said. "So, really best friends, like me and Doctor Banner. Or people who kind of force their way into people he cares about," she said and gave a look to Coulson.

"Our relationship is a special one," Coulson said. 

"I should go make sure he actually got in the shower instead of doing something else," Pepper said.

"I'll go," Steve said. "There's coffee, if you can get to it."

"Thanks," Coulson said.

Steve grinned and made his way up to Tony's room. He knocked before he went in. "Tony?"

"I'm getting in. Jeez," Tony said from the bathroom area. "You're free to join me."

"I'm not about to help distract you," Steve said. "Just get ready."

"Yes Captain," Tony said and got ready in about fifteen minutes. He kissed Steve's cheek on the way out of the bedroom. "Are you going to stay here or are we just meeting for dinner later?"

"Let's meet for dinner later," Steve said. 

"Do you like sushi?" Tony asked. 

"I'll try anything once," Steve replied.

"I'll meet you at Ninja at eight." Tony grinned at Steve's confusion. "Get in a cab and ask to go there. Or if you want to meet here at seven and I'll drive."

"Tony!" Pepper yelled.

"And work calls," Tony said. 

Steve pulled Tony in for a kiss. "I'll see you here at seven. Don't be late."

"I think you should know by now that I'm not late when it matters," Tony said with a wink before they all left for the different things they needed to do for the day.


	6. Your Sweet 666

It had been a month since Steve and Tony started their relationship or whatever Tony was calling it now a days. The first two weeks were really nice with talking and people being on time. The third week had been spotty and the last week of the month was really poor. It was starting to grate on his nerves, even though Tony usually had an apology waiting. But he didn't want an apology - he wanted Tony to just be on time again. Like tonight, where he was waiting at the bar and sipping at some sort of drink that would never get him drunk. He turned to look around to make sure he didn't miss Tony coming in when the last straw of his patience broke.

He got up from where he was sitting and walked over to where Tony was flirting with - well, someone that wasn't him. "Excuse us," he said to the woman and dragged Tony off to talk. "What are you doing?"

"I - just - talking," Tony said before coughing a bit. "Am I late again?"

"Yes," Steve said. "Is there something wrong?"

"No," Tony said. "Why would there be?"

"Considering that you nearly stood me up and are flirting with other people, yes, there might be a problem, Tony!" Steve said.

"Calm down," Tony said. "I flirt with everything. It is just something I do. You, of all people, should have realized that by now. I didn't realize I had to spell everything out for you."

Steve was about to say something else when he looked at Tony critically. "Are you drunk?"

"Small bit," Tony said. "I wouldn't call it drunk. It's just more of a normal setting."

"No, it's you shielding yourself so you don't have to deal with anything!" Steve said.

"Okay, first off, you're yelling," Tony said. "Secondly, if I am shielding myself, maybe you should ask what it is instead of jumping to conclusions!" He took a deep breath. "Forget it."

"Forget what? Your actions? That's a bit hard to do. If you were - " Steve stopped himself and looked away.

"If I was what?" Tony asked as he looked at Steve. "More like dad? Or maybe more like mom? I know you liked her more, but there's a simple fact with both of them. They're gone. Dead and in the ground. I don't mind you thinking about them with me, maybe once or twice. I get it - that's how your mind works. It's how anybody who went through what you did probably works. But I am not a stand in. If you can't see beyond that, then this is a bad idea and we should just break up."

"…What?" Steve asked, looking hurt. "I don't want to do that."

"I think you do. I think you really didn't ever see beyond that in the first place," Tony said. "So, let's just do that. We both got what we wanted out of the relationship, at least I hope that you did. There's not going to be any weirdness, because you're the good guy and everyone will think that it was my fault for what happened. Which isn't that bad. I really don't care."

"Tony! I don't want to!" Steve yelled. "And I'm sorry that you think that I’m comparing you to anyone. I don't mean to."

"Well, you did. And I'm nobody's second choice," Tony said. "Enjoy dinner. It's already paid for," he said as he turned to leave the restaurant. He closed his ears to the fact that Steve was calling for him and walked past the valet. He walked half way down the street before trying to hail a cab. He got into the first one that stopped and just gave out an address to the driver. They waited at the first stop light for the green and as they drove through, a car from the other direction rammed into theirs being the last thing Tony remembered before everything went black.


	7. He Can't Love You

To say that Coulson wasn't surprised to hear that Tony Stark was in a car accident and Steve Rogers had been the one to get Stark out of the car would be a bit of a lie. He wasn't surprised that Tony was in a car accident, but he was surprised that Steve had been that close to get Tony out. Pepper had been the one to get the phone call but he went with her to the hospital, calling in what had happened to Maria. "We're here. I'll call when I have an update," he said to Maria as he ended the conversation and followed her in. 

Pepper went up to the information desk and learned that Tony had already been transferred to a room up on the fifth floor. "They've been having problems," she said to Coulson since they had gotten into an empty elevator.

"Mostly on Tony's end if I've been hearing things right," Coulson said.

"I'd say that neither side are wrong," Pepper said. "And that neither of them are right."

"…Did I miss something?" Coulson asked.

"Tony thinks that Steve is only showing interest because he's seeing something of the past," Pepper explained.

"That's - " Coulson was about to say ridiculous, but he wondered if Stark was right. "It's to be expected," he went for instead.

"Doesn't make it right," Pepper said as the elevator doors opened. She walked to Tony's room with Coulson following her. She wasn't surprised to see that Steve was in a chair next to Tony's bedside. What did surprise her to see that Tony was actually asleep and that he had a cast on with wrappings holding his ribs in place. "What exactly happened?" She asked in a quiet voice.

"Car ran into the taxi he got into," Steve said quietly and didn't look up at Pepper or Coulson. "It's my fault."

"I doubt that," Coulson said quietly. "I'll go find the doctor and see if we can get an update."

"Thank you," Pepper said to Coulson. She went over to Steve and gently touched his shoulder. "It's not your fault."

"It is when I'm the one who drove him to get into the cab in the first place," Steve said. "He tells you everything, right?"

"For better or worse, yes," Pepper said.

"What if he's right?" Steve asked.

"Do you think he is?" Pepper asked.

"No," Steve said. "But I don't think there's a way to tell him otherwise."

Pepper sighed before talking again. "I've been reading a book called the Five Love Languages. I know that the two of you have different ways of showing love. I really think that the two of you need to get on the same page before anything else can happen."

"Pepper," Coulson said from the doorway.

"I'll be back," she said and kissed Steve's forehead as a sister would before leaving the room.

Steve sighed and leaned back in the chair. His eyes went over everything - the different monitors that were beeping to tell the world that Tony was alive. The different lights in the room and the curtain that was there even though it was a private room. The television that he wasn't sure was there more for the patients or for the people who were waiting. The last thing he looked at was Tony and he smiled as he saw that Tony was awake. "hi," he said.

"Hey," Tony said. "Did you get the plate of whatever hit us?"

"The police came and dealt with that," Steve said. 

"Good," Tony said. "Steve - "

"I forgive you for tonight," Steve said. "I just have to let go a bit and realize that you are who you are. I wouldn't love you if I loved every bit of you."

"Well…thank you, but I meant everything I said," Tony said. "I've been wanting to talk to you about it for a while. I also wanted a cooler head when talking about it."

"Oh," Steve said. "I don't compare you to Howard or Peggy."

"I think you do," Tony said. "You don't mean for me to see them, but I notice the looks when you think I'm not doing something the way that you think it should be done. The way that you think someone else should do it. I am my own person. I know that I have their smarts, but I also know that I'm smarter than my father. I also know that I'm sharper than my mother and her wit or sarcasm or whatever you want to call it. I also know that you don't like being on the end of it, so I try not to go there."

"I still think that you're wrong," Steve said. "When I'm doing that look, I think that it's wrong for you. Not that it's wrong for someone who is long gone."

"You keep on saying that, but I think we both know that you're not," Tony said. "Well, you might not fully know it. But Steve, I need to know that you love me for me. Not for something that you missed because you decided to be the brave one and go down in the ice. I just don't know that you can do that."

Steve was quiet for that. He thought about the times that Tony were talking about. The reaching for a third or fourth drink when he was sure that two were far more than enough. _But is that for him or for me?_ he thought. There was another time when Tony completely shot someone down with his wit and he thought of Peggy. That was the one time he knew he messed up. He couldn't think of others and just looked at Tony. "Tony - " he started to say but stopped when Pepper and Coulson came back in.

"You can go home tomorrow after the doctor checks you over," Pepper said as she came over to the bed. "You'll have to be on bed rest for two weeks - you just bruised your ribs instead of breaking them - but after that, you'll be able to walk around."

"Sounds great," Tony said in a flat voice.

"We'll be right outside," Pepper said, deciding not to explain more. She gently pulled Coulson outside, quietly explaining that Tony was in a mood.

"Is tomorrow too short of a time to think about everything?" Tony asked.

"No," Steve said as he got up. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Steve?" Tony asked and Steve stopped and looked back at him. "Only come back if you can see me for me."

"Right," Steve said quietly before walking out of the room. He walked right past Coulson and Pepper, going down to the first floor and out of the hospital. He wasn't sure where he was going, only that he needed to get some space and that he needed it fast.


	8. Catch Me When I Fall

Tony woke up the next morning and looked at the chair that Steve was sitting in the evening before. It was just an empty chair and the longer he stared at it wouldn't make anyone sit down. He turned and stared up at the ceiling, not even hearing when the door opened and someone came in. It took a couple times of someone calling his name before he realized someone was in the room. He smiled at seeing Pepper. "Sorry - bit of thinking."

"Right," Pepper said as she moved to take Steve's empty chair. "The Doctor is going to come by soon. Then we can get you out of here and back home to be comfortable."

"Who is we?" Tony asked.

"Well, now I know how you look when a car hits you," Natasha said as she walked in.

"It's got to be some sort of record that a car hit me and I only broke my arm though," Tony countered.

"I once saw a guy walk away from a car wreck," Natasha said.

"Yeah, but if it was in old country, are you really sure that it wasn't more that nobody was going to save him?" Tony asked with a grin.

Natasha raised an eyebrow. "I'll be outside."

"You could be nicer," Pepper said.

"Nicer left in the middle of the night and he's not coming back," Tony said.

"I'll believe that when I see it," Pepper said. "Agent Romanoff doesn't have to stay. I could ask her if she could try to contact Steve."

"No," Tony said.

"Tony - " Pepper started.

"I said no, Pepper," Tony said. "Can we just focus on getting me out of this damned place and back to the lab?"

Pepper took a deep breath, about to counter Tony's request to go back to the lab with something, when there was a knock at the glass. "I'll be right back," she said as she got up and went outside.

"Yeah," Tony said. He reached for the remote and started to cycle through the channels that were available. When that was done, he sat up more in the bed and looked out to see Natasha and Pepper talking to the doctor. That was when he decided to take matters into his own hands and started to pull out different cords. The last one he got - the IV that went into the hand - was the one that hurt the most. 

"What are you doing?!" Pepper asked as she came back into the room.

"Leaving," Tony said as he swung his legs over to stand up from the bed. "Mind grabbing my clothes so I can get dressed?"

"Tony, you can't leave," Pepper said. "There's something wrong and they want to transfer you to a different hospital."

"Well, they can transfer the bed, but I'm going home," Tony said.

"No, you can't," Pepper said.

"There's no good reason to stay," Tony countered.

"The shrapnel in your heart moved!" Pepper said. It got Tony to pause and look at her. "Just a few inches and it was due to the impact of the car. The reason Agent Romanoff is here is that S.H.I.E.L.D agents questioned the driver of the car that hit you. He was paid to run that red light. It turns out that Vanko has friends that want to avenge his death."

Tony just stared at Pepper for a long moment. "I can believe you on the second part, but you and I know that the first part is really for shit, Pepper."

"It was more to get your attention and for you to stop moving," Pepper admitted. "And yes, the second part is true. So you're going to headquarters. They're finding Steve and the two of you can make up there. Or not make up. At this point, I'm not sure which way is better."

"Join the club. I'll make hats," Tony quipped as he sat down.

"Make it jackets and I'm in," Pepper said as Natasha walked in. "Are we ready?"

"As soon as he gets dressed," Natasha said.

"What, you want to watch?" Tony asked.

"I got it from here," Pepper said. "But thank you," she said and waited for Natasha to leave before drawing the curtains. She helped Tony get dressed and into a sling for his cast. He tried to reject the wheelchair before Natasha made him sit down and let himself be wheeled out to the car to go to S.H.I.E.L.D.

*~*~*~*

Steve had been sitting down by the river for a while now. He had bought a coffee when he got cold, but he was mostly thinking over what Tony said. He did wonder if Tony was right, even though his mind rebelled against that thought, but he was more towards wrong. As the sun came up, he knew that he should probably head back to the hospital. He slowly got up, stretching as he did, before throwing out his empty cup of coffee in a garbage bin. 

He noticed something odd out of the corner of his eye - a person who was clearly of Russian descent watching him - but he tried to dismiss it. He walked a bit, putting his hands into his pockets, before looking behind him and seeing the guy following him. He stopped and turned around, walking over to him. "Do you need something?"

"Not really," the man said before trying to punch at Steve. 

Steve dodged it before landing a punch of his own. He was a bit surprised when the man got up quickly and then there were four others. "Fellas, this isn't really all that fair of a fight."

The first man was about to say something when an arrow landed square in the middle of his chest. Steve ducked down as the other men were hit quickly. "Captain," Clint said as he jumped down from his perch.

"Hawkeye," Steve said with a nod. "Thanks."

"Don't mention it," Clint said and touched his ear piece. "Coulson? Yeah, I found him. Got four with tranquillizers. How far away are you?" He listened for a moment and then turned to where a SUV and a car pulled up. "They've got good timing too."

"What's going on?" Steve asked.

"Oh, someone has a grudge against Stark," Coulson said. "We couldn't ignore it and we'll get these four talking soon. The both of you are due at HQ."

"Then we'd better get there," Clint said as he took the car keys that Coulson offered him. 

"How is he?" Steve asked of Coulson.

"Same as last night, although I hear that his temper is back," Coulson said. "Plus, he decided he was going to try to walk out of the hospital because nobody was acting fast enough."

"So, normal," Steve said.

"Normal for a month ago," Coulson clarified.

"Yeah," Steve said as he went over to where Clint was. He got in the car and was quiet on the ride over to headquarters.


	9. Heaven for Everyone

When Tony and the person that he was charitably calling his babysitter got to the hovercraft that was being called headquarters, he went straight to the lab. He was glad that nobody followed him as he slammed the door shut with his one good arm. He took a deep breath before going over to the latest project that he had been working on with Bruce. He wasn't even sure for how long he had been working on it when he heard the door to the lab open. He looked out of the corner of his eye to see Steve staying there. He didn't say anything and just put his attention back on the project.

"I know that you know I'm in here," Steve said.

"Well, now I know," Tony said. He kept his eyes on the project at hand.

"Then what was the glance out of the side of your eye?" Steve asked.

"I did not," Tony said.

"Tony - " Steve started but stopped.

"You're not allowed to call me a child. Only Pepper is. And maybe Coulson. I haven't decided yet if he really can or not," Tony said.

"Alright, you're not a child. But you're acting childish," Steve said.

"Maybe I am," Tony said and paused for a long moment. "You weren't there this morning."

"I got held up," Steve said.

Tony snorted at that. "Yeah right."

"You can ask Clint if you want to," Steve said. "Considering he was the one who stopped them."

Tony turned to look at Steve, about to say something incredibly snarky, when Coulson came in. "Oh good, someone else to talk to."

Coulson raised an eyebrow but decided not to comment. "You're free to leave whenever you want to, Stark."

"No more men who want to kill me?" Tony asked.

"There's probably tens of thousands but the most current ones have been contained," Coulson said. "So, don't feel you have to stay on our account. And apologize to Agent Romanoff."

"Have you ever known me to apologize?" Tony asked as he looked back at the project.

"Yes," Coulson said. "But usually only to Pepper."

"That's just so she won't leave," Steve said. "At least, that's my guess."

"You were better off being quiet," Tony said with a glare at Steve.

"I'm going to leave the two of you alone," Coulson said. 

"Coulson, tell Clint thanks for me," Steve said.

"He's going to say he was doing his job, but I will," Coulson said.

"See?" Steve said to Tony.

"That doesn't prove anything," Tony said as he turned his back on Steve.

Steve sighed and moved, pulling the table away from Tony. "I want to talk to you."

"Hey!" Tony said as he tried to grab the table back but it was just out of his reach. "What makes you think I _want_ to talk to you?"

"How about just listening?" Steve asked.

"Or that," Tony muttered.

"I can't help what I do when I'm thinking about my past," Steve said. "I lost a lot and yes, that's an excuse. But you have to have a bit of understanding as well. I'm always going to think of my past. It's just in human nature to think of what could have happened. Also, you are a lot like both of your parents, Tony. You want to deny that, but you are. And it's Howard more than Peggy that you remind me of in the end. You might not like that, probably because the two of you clashed since you were so similar, but it is what it is. And if you want to push me away because of that, that is on you, Anthony Stark. It isn't going to be on me."

"Huh," Tony said.

"What?" Steve asked.

"I think the best part was where you used my full name," Tony said.

"This isn't a joke," Steve said.

"I know that," Tony said. "Why didn't you just say that in the first place?"

"Because you were in pain and mad and I didn't have the words to say that yesterday," Steve said. "I'm glad you sent me away to think on that."

"Good that it worked then," Tony said and thought on something. "Why didn't you head back to the hospital sooner?"

"You realize that, when you woke up in the hospital bed, it was three in the morning?" Steve asked.

"Nope," Tony said. "But I've never been a good judge of time."

"You'll get better," Steve said. "At least, I hope you will. You were the first two weeks."

"That was Pepper," Tony admitted.

"…What?" Steve asked.

"Pepper just made sure that I got there on time," Tony said. "And then she got busy." He thought for a moment. "This might seem cliché, but do you want a job?"

"As your assistant?" Steve asked. "No. I'd have to be less insane than I am already."

"I thought it would be the opposite," Tony said.

"Well, I am insane for loving you," Steve said. "We'll work on the timing issue." He gently pulled Tony over to him, hugging him gently to be careful about the ribs. "That is, if you still want me."

Tony sighed. "We also have to work on your jealousy issue."

"Or your flirting," Steve countered.

"Newsflash, I flirt. It's fun. It's never serious. It is just something that happens. Sometimes it's obvious because I want it to be and sometimes it isn't. But, another newsflash, I'm not going home with the girl or guy that I just flirted with. I'm going home with you. And to me, that's what matters at the end of things," Tony explained. "But we could compromise."

"You? Compromise? That's a first," Steve said.

"And see, I'm rubbing off on you already," Tony said. "Then again, your sarcasm needs work in the subtlety department."

"Well, if the project can wait, you're more than welcome to teach me a bit more," Steve said and kissed Tony's cheek.

"I don't think I'm allowed to teach in the manner that you're thinking of for a bit, but yes," Tony said with a grin. "Let's get off this blasted thing."

Steve smiled and led Tony out of the lab and to the helicopter that was waiting to take them back down to Earth. Neither was really sure what was going to happen in the months and/or years to come, but right now was a good place to start.


	10. May It Be

They had been in England for a few days now. They left after Tony was cleared for overseas travel and took the ashes with them to honor Peggy's final wish of her ashes spread over the River Thames in London. They had taken their time to sight see but it was supposed to be the final day of being in England. They had taken a walk towards the river with the container of ashes. "So, you should be the one to spread them," Tony said. "One, you're carrying the container and two…well, it's a bit poetic."

"Right," Steve said. They got to the spot that they were told to go to and stopped. He held onto the container of Peggy's ashes. He looked out at the river and then back at Tony. "Are you sure this is a good idea?" He asked.

"Yes," Tony said. "This is what she wanted to be done. I did ask if you wanted to keep some. You still said no."

"It just seems like - well, like a bit of a waste," Steve said.

"We don't have to do this today," Tony said. "We have until we're called up to do something." He paused. "Well, if you're called up to do something."

"Right," Steve said as he looked down at the container. "No, there's no time like the present," he said as he opened it. He slowly started to pour out the ashes, letting them spread over the river. It took a few moments, but the container was quickly empty. 

"Hopefully she's at rest now," Tony said. "Want to go get something to eat?" He asked as he turned to go back up to the pathway on the street.

"Yeah," Steve said as he started to turn to follow. He stopped as he saw Peggy as he remembered her. She blew him a kiss before waving good bye and disappearing. He looked around before shaking his head, pretty sure that it was an illusion, and headed over to where Tony was waiting.


End file.
